I want to say something here. Fill up the gap that is quickly forming between my heart and the outside world. But I'm already feeling like this is a failing attempt. I feel like it is a struggle to talk right now. I feel like my heart is retreating. Hiding so deep that even when I want to expose it (which is feeling rare), it becomes a tug of war and a jumble of words, or even worse - a string of regrets. Until finally I am so exhausted that I decide it is easier to stay silent then try to explain. Leaving me feeling not fit for human consumption. I'm discouraged. And I keep calling it that because I don't actually want to talk about how deep or strong it is running.
I could tell you about all the surface stuff. The glasses saga, new apartment, writing. It all feels like filler. And it isn't to say there hasn't been good. There have been joys this week from unexpected places. I just don't like the silence that I feel is gaining weight around me.
But it is midnight, and with a little strong arming I should be able to wrestle my self into bed in the next three hours. And I'm sorry if this all sounds cryptic. For what it's worth it's not meant to. Its just all that I can say right now.
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