choosing life.....

I'm in one of those reflective modes. A little homesick, a little tired, a little contemplative. I am out at the end of the world (feels that way right now, signs of life in the bay get me all twitterpatted.) And I've been working on my novel...something that always gets my brain a going.
Anyway, so i've been thinking. Would you choose a better way of life if you knew a hard outcome, or would you choose an easyer road to try and stay safe. I have this feeling in my gut, the one that says I won't die of old age, and this belief in Jesus will cost me my life, literally. The feeling has been growing expadentially for the last couple of years. Whether it is my drama queen getting the best of me, or God preparing me I couldn't begin to tell you. (I would be really ok if it was my drama queen side by the way)
I was reading last night, my Bible I mean. And I was reading the end of John, where Jesus basicly tells Peter how he is going to die. Peter has the reaction I think most of of might. Upon seeing John following them he says to Jesus...'what about him??". Jesus looks at him and says (and this is me massivly paraphrasing here people) 'what do you care what I do with him? YOU follow me."
Wow.
Can you imagine being looked in the eye by Jesus and asked that? The verse got me thinking about my gut feeling. The one that scares the crap out of me, and yet have a peace about all at the same time. Would I ditch this 'following God where ever He leads' to avoid a cost that high? The good christian answer here is no. The reality answer is a couple of deep breath and prayer for strength if that day comes. In reality there are thousands who make that choice daily in any number of places all over the globe. It just feels huger for this girl from the burbs who's never even had a broken bone.
I don't want the picket fense, mudane living out of this life. But that as a true alternative....
so for now I will remember Cory Tenboon. When she told her father she couldn't handle what they all knew was coming. He asked her when do you buy the ticket for a trip. She said right before you take the trip of course. He said then don't worry about it until then. Sor for now I will be thankful that I don't have to truely make that choice now. Thankful that I am sitting in a quite bay of new zealand rediscovering what rest looks like.
But I still wonder what I will choose....
what would you choose?

tramping the driveway

Jesika wants to take me tramping. Even in Kiwi I don't think I'm in shape enough to hike up a mountain with a 30 pound pack. So today began the 'traning'.....Jesika's driveway (don't underestimate the word). I have the house to myself for three days while she is off working, so I figured this would be the perfect time to try it. I did it!!! Granted it took me 3+ x the amount of time it takes her (took me the better part of an hour)...and I hurt alllllll over. But still. Grinning like an idiot with an amaizing view was worth it. Tomorrow, the "path" to her parents house, around the bay. I have reason to beleive that unlike her 45+ degree drive way, this one doens't go to the top of the hill. And that gives me hope :-)
So I am here hanging out at the house...chilling...sorta. Truthfully I've felt like going insane. I'm stuck at the end of a peninsula, 3 hours from anywhere, feeling like I am visiting a friends house, not a foreign country. But I got to talk to my friend in OZ (australia) last night for quite a while, and we are close to the same time zone!!! She said what I had a sneeky suspicion of. Just rest. Just be. Wow, what a concept. My life for what feels like so long, when not revolving around work, has revolved about where I am going to sleep. Now suddenly it doesnt. I am here until probably the 11th. Then it looks like I get shown the South island locals style for a couple weeks. So all I do, is just be. Hang out , talk to God, until Jesika gets back (saturday), then help her with lots of chores.
When did resting get hard? When did NOT having to worry about the roof over my head, or money, or certain other things that go bumb in the night become the chalanging part?
It is beautiful here. In a cove, in the bay, with teal water and ducks that bark at me, and hills all around. And somewhere along the last week I feel like I forget how to talk to God. I'm suddenly remembering how good He is at getting our attention...and how many ways we distract ourselves. I am in New Zealand, and suddenly wondering why. (other then sharing the 747 with T.D. Jakes, yeah, that was cool, and a story :-). But I gave these three months to God. Litterally for what ever He wanted to do. So even if that means sitting at the end of a cove on a bay....
I just don't wanna go home the same.

P.S. This is her driveway, looking across at it

Ta da...

36 hours of travel time, 3-4 hours sleep, 3 planes (4 if you count the 'maintance issues had to switch at the last second' one), 3 bus's, 1 ferry, and one very nice granny waiting on the other end. Nuff said. I did however get a personal tour of the 747 at 4 am by a very nice stewardess I ran into (litterally). That was Grand.

Its beautiful here....I'll try and expound on that more later, when I have more time online.

Thank you Annabell for the travel journal idea. I seriously don't know what I would be doing with out it. And Thanks Isaac, for getting me the travel journal at the last minute, its perfect.

yep. nuff said

...Go

So, I leave in...ok, it is way to late to actually calculate that...its under twenty four. I figured this would be the last chance to do this on US soil for a while, so I'd take the opportunty.
It finally hit this evening. For all the talk and planning, the big whammy of oh my gosh I'm really doing this set in about an hour ago. After 2 days of good byes (including to my old beautiful car, which has been the only consistant thing in my life this past year +) I am really on my way. In alot of way it has been a ruff week. Everything for the trip has gone sooooo smoothly it has been genuinly unbelievable. But some other stuff....yeah, thats been not so cool. Turns out you really can't just sneak out of the country for three months to do what ever God leads you....with out getting a little attacked for it. So maybee a little black and blue, but excited, and full steam ahead. I know this trip is huge. Not just for the time away or how fast in came together, but for all I feel like God has in store. To God alone be the glory. Soli Deo Gloria.
P.S. I will try to write more when it isn't midnight and more of my braincells are awake :-)

Ready...Set..

Ok, so get this. There will be 2 months, from the time this trip became a thought, to the time I leave the ground in the big plane. The first two weeks was just thinking and testing doors. The real pursuite started at about the two week point. By two weeks before I leave...everything was totally set. Do you get this? God pulled together a 3 month international trip...in under a month!!! The money, the car, the contacts, everything. Holy Cow!
I leave in 9 days. This shouldn't be possible, all the books say so. God has been reminding me of something I told a friend some years back. As I was talking about a possible big move in my life, he kept telling me how that wasn't possilbe. I needed more time to plan, look for housing, ect. I told him, 'the really annoying thing about God, is that when he wants to do something, He doesn't obey the rules, He just does it.'
I feel like I won an oscar. I have this whole list of people I want to thank. The amaizing friends and family in my life that over the last year, and expecially now, have litterally become God's hands and feet in my life. I had a melt down a couple of weeks ago. bad pizza mixed with bad dreams mixed with a really ruff couple of weeks, and I just melted. Two very amaizing friends not only saw me thru it, but to my amaizement, bought me a massage to help me calm down and reset.
How do you even begin to say thankyou. I feel like there are some hard things coming down the pipeline in my life. I don't know a better way of putting that. There are just things I feel like are in my future... that might not be of the white picket fence variety. But I look at this time in my life, and I am so amaized. First, at this wonderouse God, who looked at me, and believed me worth His effort (and trust me...the guy has had to put in alot of effort). And secondly, and the amaizing people He has placed around me. It sounds corney, I know that. But I really have been wondering....How do you even begin to say thank you.