I started reading a book this week that a good friend recommended. Fiction among other things has become the antidote to my persistent textbook overload. Its a decent story so far, straight laced main character nudged out of her ordinary world by a quirky free spirited aunt. Its a decent story because despite the slightly cookie cutter characters the plot is quirky enough that I want to see where it goes. (Have I mentioned how badly I miss being a real writer these days?... just checking). But as I read the description of the aunt I found my self wondering if the those people, in all their stereo typed glory, really exist. And if they truly feel free.
I have known two free spirits in my life. Both fit the bill; they loved life, traveled often, and fell towards the less reliable side of the scale. But the more I have thought about them the less sure I am that they are free. Both had deeper issues that drove much of their lives. At least for the first it wasn't a desire to fly but a fear of landing that kept him aloft. I also started thinking about my own vagabond days. For three years stability disappeared from my vocabulary. I moved a lot, traveled a ton. For over a year I didn't even have a physical address. In my current life I look back on that season with rose colored glasses. Right now I am in the middle of a college degree, a year plus into a job I love, at a church that has truly become home, living in a town I adore and have now lived in for over two years.
Life is stable.
It is why every single spring break, winter break, or long weekend I bolt. Out of county, state, or as far as my reliable car can take me in the time allotted. Anything to feel the joy of the open road and a little bit of the freedom those three years taught me about. Don't get me wrong. I love my life. It is actually the best it has every been. But for me, the process of reaching for the sky, has required the addition of a heavy back pack and a few bills. I miss the freedom of those years.
But when I started this book I started thinking about those glory days. Turns out when I look closely, I look with out the rose colored glasses. That three years season also included some of the hardest times in my life. It taught me about the provision of God for my next meal, and bed. It taught me that sometimes the dreams you imagine as a kid actually do come true. It taught me that what I thought was normal, was not mandatory. But I also remember that by the end, all I wanted was stability. Some of the best things in my life right now, are a result of having stood still for a while. The relationships, the progress, all come at least in part from the stability that half the time drives me nuts. And if you asked me, if I was more free then, or now... I would say now, when out even a pause.
There is a freedom in the open road. In a lack of bills and limited commitments. But their is a different kind of freedom in real friends I can call at any hour. In a life that is seeking more then survival and the next scenic bypass.
