choosing life.....

I'm in one of those reflective modes. A little homesick, a little tired, a little contemplative. I am out at the end of the world (feels that way right now, signs of life in the bay get me all twitterpatted.) And I've been working on my novel...something that always gets my brain a going.
Anyway, so i've been thinking. Would you choose a better way of life if you knew a hard outcome, or would you choose an easyer road to try and stay safe. I have this feeling in my gut, the one that says I won't die of old age, and this belief in Jesus will cost me my life, literally. The feeling has been growing expadentially for the last couple of years. Whether it is my drama queen getting the best of me, or God preparing me I couldn't begin to tell you. (I would be really ok if it was my drama queen side by the way)
I was reading last night, my Bible I mean. And I was reading the end of John, where Jesus basicly tells Peter how he is going to die. Peter has the reaction I think most of of might. Upon seeing John following them he says to Jesus...'what about him??". Jesus looks at him and says (and this is me massivly paraphrasing here people) 'what do you care what I do with him? YOU follow me."
Wow.
Can you imagine being looked in the eye by Jesus and asked that? The verse got me thinking about my gut feeling. The one that scares the crap out of me, and yet have a peace about all at the same time. Would I ditch this 'following God where ever He leads' to avoid a cost that high? The good christian answer here is no. The reality answer is a couple of deep breath and prayer for strength if that day comes. In reality there are thousands who make that choice daily in any number of places all over the globe. It just feels huger for this girl from the burbs who's never even had a broken bone.
I don't want the picket fense, mudane living out of this life. But that as a true alternative....
so for now I will remember Cory Tenboon. When she told her father she couldn't handle what they all knew was coming. He asked her when do you buy the ticket for a trip. She said right before you take the trip of course. He said then don't worry about it until then. Sor for now I will be thankful that I don't have to truely make that choice now. Thankful that I am sitting in a quite bay of new zealand rediscovering what rest looks like.
But I still wonder what I will choose....
what would you choose?